Before I started this blog and
being the people-pleaser that I am, I asked a few friends what they thought
about me writing it. Everyone thought it was a great idea, but one friend added
that it shouldn’t get too personal. I have been thinking about that and
ultimately, I disagree. We all experience a lot of hurt in our lives. I feel one
of the true blessings we can give each other is to share experiences, good
and bad. As encouragement, I hope we can also share our triumphs. So, buckle up! This is going to get personal.
I admit it; I have a bit of a
lead foot. I’m not proud of it, but I have been stopped by the police for
speeding on more than one occasion. They always ask for my identification card.
When they look at it, they see my name, my address, my height, my reported weight
and my picture. This tells them who I am on the outside, but it doesn’t say
much about who I am on the inside. What they don’t see is my true identity.
Identities can very tenuous,
fragile things. Oftentimes, our true identities, the ones we hold deep in our
hearts, can depend on our circumstances, the opinions of others and the opinion
we hold of ourselves. After years of neglect and abuse, and shortly after my
ninth birthday, the authorities came to our dilapidated apartment building on the
east side of Indianapolis and removed my siblings and me from our mother’s
care. I felt ABANDONED. While in foster care, our mother never took the
steps needed to get my siblings and me back; that made me feel UNLOVED.
When I was moved from one foster family to another while my brothers were
adopted, I identified with being UNWANTED. Once I was finally adopted
at age 15, but subsequently rejected by that family at age 18, I was now UNWORTHY.
I carried all of these identities with me into my adult life and even added a
few.
During times when I should have
been a better wife and mother, I was a FAILURE. As my multiple weight loss
attempts bombed, I labeled myself FAT and UGLY. Through the years,
I always tried to cover how broken I felt on the inside by making my outward
identity HAPPY, HELPFUL, and HUMOROUS. For years, I
tried to pretend the things that happened to me as a kid did not matter. I
stuffed them deep inside. Then, a few years ago, God touched my heart more
deeply than He ever had before. He told me I have a new identity; one that I needed
to claim. I have an identity that is not defined by my past or by others, but
rather one given to me by Him.
I AM A NEW CREATURE. (Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a
new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians
5:17-18 ESV)
I AM A CHILD OF GOD. (But to all who did receive
him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor
of the will of man, but of God. John 1:12-13 ESV)
I AM FREE. (Jesus answered them,
“Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin. The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son
remains forever. So if the Son sets you free,
you will be free indeed. John 8:34-36 ESV)
I AM ANOINTED.
(And it is God who establishes us with
you in Christ, and has anointed us, and who has
also put his seal on us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee.
2 Corinthians 1:21-22 ESV)
I don’t always
feel I can fully own my new identity, but feelings can be deceptive. I have to
forget the circumstances of my past and the opinions of others and myself. To
be truly free and live for Jesus, I have to remember that what He says is all
that matters. Because of this, I am humbled.
